If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
MIDGETS
????
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
