sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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