There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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