he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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