you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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