Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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