the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
