you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
