You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
