the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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