he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
