No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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