i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
