I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
