so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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