i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
