haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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