So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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