I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
there is glitter all over my balls
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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