remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my phone needs a breathalizer
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
