Whod you bang
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
