you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
