My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
