Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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