I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
