she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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