dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
