can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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