So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
