its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
