I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
