took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
