is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
