feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
