remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
