oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
