Three words: puerto rican gang bang
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
