I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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