dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
