my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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