I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
