Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
