Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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