Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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