i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
