i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
