i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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