Im at strip club and am horny
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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