I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
