At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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