he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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