His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
be right there i have to get my cape
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
