Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Randomize
