He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
