hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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