I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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