next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
