i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
